Lost Christmas
by tainted-tash
Summary: Harry has to spend Christmas without his lover. When he returns home, Harry is faced with the possibility that his relationship is hanging in the balance.


This is only my third Harrymort so please be gentle with me. No monies have been made off this, no copyright infringement is intended. Anything Harry Potter related belongs to JK Rowling

Harry sat in the window seat of the music room in Malfoy Manor. Beyond the glass he could see the grounds covered by a thick blanket of snow, more still falling, their delicate flake designs melting against the window. A heavy sigh fell from his lips, fogging the cold glass with his warm breath. It was December twenty-fifth- Christmas Day- and Harry's lover wasn't with him. Coming to Malfoy Manor had been a last minute arrangement after the Dark Lord had been called away unexpectedly.

Something about a problem that could not wait. Harry had woken to Voldemort's side of the bed cold and a note on the pillow saying he would try to return in time for dinner.

"Harry?" he heard Draco call from the direction of the door.

"Yes?" Harry said without turning to look at him.

"We're about to open presents, are you joining us?"

Mentally sighing he got up and pasted a smile on his face. "Of course. I'll just nip out to get things I bought. Be right back."

Popping back to the home he shared with with Dark Lord, Harry snagged the bag of presents and disapparated back to Malfoy Manor. Giving Draco the bag to put everything under the tree he followed the blond to the main room.

Glancing around the room's occupants he found Lucius and Narcissa on the far couch, fingers laced together, a soft smile on their faces. Draco sat under the tree, ready for his usual duty of handing out the presents. His girlfriend, Harry's best friend, Hermione, sat in one of the armchairs.

Lucius' oldest friend, Severus Snape, Hogwarts Potions Master, say in another armchair. His husband, Bill Weasley- now Snape- perched in his lap. Harry still remembered the day the pair had turned up, rings on fingers, and announced they had married. After Molly had found out and screamed blue murder Bill had moved into Malfoy Manor with Severus.

Harry, on the other hand, had been pleased he'd found happiness, even in the unlikliest of places. But no one could deny the look of utter devotion and live on Severus' face whenever he looked at Bill.

A few of Draco's friends were dotted about the room but Harry paid them no attention. His perusal of the room left no doubt that the Dark Lord was not there. A small hand touched his and Harry jumped slightly, finding Hermione at his side.

"He'll be here when he can, Harry. Come sit down and open presents."

Nodding slowly, Harry perched on the floor opposite Draco, aiming to help out with passing presents, especially to to Severus and Bill who sat behind him, leaving Draco without need to get up and move. The first picked present went to Narcissa, who attempted to delicately open the gift before tearing into it like an excited five year old. Another diamond necklace lay nestled in a bed of velvet, glinting beautifully in the light. Harry smiled softly at the loving expression in Lucius' eyes when he fastened the necklace around Narcissa's throat. The next gift went to Bill from Harry- the latest, yet to be released, edition of The Complete Compendium of Breaking Curses.

"Thank you, Harry. I can always rely on you to keep me updated on the new guides," Bill smiled at him.

Harry chuckled. "Severus would have my head on a silver platter if I didn't make sure you had all the best information available when working."

Draco found his own gift from Harry and eagerly unwrapped the gift. It took Harry a serious amount of thinking to come up with something to give to Draco. The Malfoy's had money so buying something expensive was out of the question and pointless.

After browsing through the Black vaults he had found an old pair of cuff links that were similar to the ones he had from Sirius. He thought it only fitting that as Sirius' family Draco have his own set. "They're beautiful, Harry. Thank you so much," Draco murmured quietly.

Hermione ended up with a lifetime membership at Flourish Blotts, all books paid for. Some clothing from Narcissa and Lucius and an engagement ring from Draco.

Harry bought Lucius and Narcissa matching cloaks with fur trim and large hoods. Severus received a brand new set of cauldrons, including a crystal one he'd never quite been able to get his hands on.

He'd paid for Blaise and Astoria's venue for their wedding next year. The pair gave him teary hugs and many thank you's. Harry received a dragon hide wand honest we from Bill, Severus had made him the eye corrective potion after his eyesight had been getting worse.

Hermione bought him a new journal after he notified her a few weeks ago that he had filled the first one. Once all the presents were opened Harry realised that there was nothing there from Voldemort.

"That might be it," Draco said, pointing to a small, beautifully wrapped gift.

"No," Harry croaked. "It's my gift to him." Hermione got on the floor to give him a hug but Harry bolted from the room before she could get close enough.

Going back to his window seat in the music room Harry looked down the path to the gates, eyes frantically searching for footprints. But as he thought, there were none.

"Harry, if he's away for this long then whatever it is must be extremely important. You know he hates being away from," Hermione said softly, sitting opposite him.

Harry laughed bitterly, coldly. "Does he?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"He never says that he misses me when he's away, that he wants to come home, or even that he loves me."

Hermione sighed. "You know he's not that open, Harry."

"I know that, Hermione, but I thought he would at least show a little affection from time to time."

Hermione cocked her head and blushed slightly. "What about when... You know. Bedroom stuff?"

Harry rolled his eyes and chuckled hollowly. "You mean when we have sex? It's explosive, like it always has been. There's fire and passion, but even afterwards, there's no small talk or soft words of endearment."

Sure, Voldemort held him while they slept and the occasional spontaneous gift but there never was any affection there. Harry had told the Dark Lord just once that he loved him. But after receiving a tight smile and kiss on his forehead he'd never repeated it.

Glancing at Hermione he smiled tiredly. "I know what you're going to say, Hermione, that I should of thought of all this before I got involved with him. But I honestly thought that after three years together he might have said, just once, that loved me."

Sighing, Hermione nodded. "I get it, Harry. Draco is, at least occasionally, affectionate."

Harry faced her and hugged his best friend. "Which reminds me, congratulations, Hermione. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Harry. Talk to him when you see him. Tell him you're not demanding showers of affection or declarations of undying love but the occasional indication would be nice."

Giving her another quick hug, Harry got up and stretched the kinks out of his back. "Thanks, 'Mione. I'm going for a walk, I'll be back in time for dinner."

"Make sure you wrap up, it's freezing outside and you don't need to be getting sick."

Waving her off with a chuckle Harry grabbed his scarf and cloak, throwing them on, and slipped into his gloves. Traipsing through the snow he looked up at the greyish sky and thick snow clouds. Delicate spires of snow settled on his cloak, melting quickly and slowly wetting the thick material. Was it snowing where his lover was? Would he even be thinking about Harry?

Eyes gazing along the undisturbed grounds covered in soft white snow Harry laid down and made several snow angels. The cold of the weather began creeping through his warming charms but he stayed out, enjoying the time outside. Slipping into the stables he unlocked the paddock for Starfall, his mare, a gift from Lucius and Narcissa last Christmas.

After stopping by one day Harry had been traumatised to find Lucius' stallion having a crack at her. He still hadn't gotten over the sounds his sweet tempered mare had been making. At almost ready to give birth to her first foal Harry was not allowed to ride her, so she remained there until the day would arrive.

Wanting the family to stay together Harry kept her in Lucius' stables permanently, letting the foal be raised there as well, on the grounds the stallion would see them. Lucius, knowing what family meant to Harry, had readily agreed without any fuss at all.

Harry knew first hand what it was like being parent-less, and although people say animals do feel the same way as humans, Harry wasn't so sure. Seeing Harry approach, Starfall snorted and strained her neck to reach him.

Wrapping his arms around her neck he broke down and sobbed into the warm, thick skin. Starfall seemed to understand that Harry needed comfort and nudged him with her head affectionately. Eventually crying himself out he pulled back, red-eyed, and stroked the mare's head.

"See you later, girl." Locking the paddock and stables up Harry trudged back to the manor, finding Narcissa stood on the porch waiting for him.

"Am I late for dinner?" He asked.

"Not at all. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

He looked up to find her softened gaze taking in his red-rimmed eyes. "I'll take that as a no. It's never trouble you before. The Dark Lord being called away, I mean. Even on your birthday last year you weren't overly fussed about it."

Harry bit his lip. "He's never been gone at Christmas."

Narcissa frowned. "But why does that upset you so much?"

"Christmas is a time for family," he mumbled.

"Well, yes it is. But sometimes it can't be helped. Lucius has been called away on so many Christmases. I know family means a lot to you, Harry, but it's like you've never had one before."

Harry shrugged awkwardly. "There was Yule at Hogwarts."

"And at home? Your relatives are Muggle, are they not? They would have celebrated Christmas."

Harry's expression grew pained and miserable. "Freaks aren't allowed to enjoy Christmas."

Narcissa paled. "The rumours were true?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah. It's just... Christmas is the one time of year that means the most to me."

Seeing tears welling up she pulled him into her arms and held him tightly. "For the Dark Lord to be away when he knows what the holiday means to you then it's most likely something that cannot be held off."

"I know!" Harry sobbed. "And I'm being selfish but why has he been gone this long?"

"I don't know, Harry. I wish I could give you an answer but even Lucius does not know where he is. Come have dinner and enjoy the rest of the day. I'm sure he'll return before the day is over."

Using her thumbs to wipe away his tears, Narcissa kissed his forehead and led him back inside. Taking his drenched cloak she cast several warming charms and together they walked to the dining room.

She'd placed him between the Dark Lord and Hermione, the latter already seated and waiting. Narcissa saw his eyes flicker to the other empty seat, where Voldemort should be and sigh. Practically falling into his seat Harry looked at all the plates of food and it looked good, but his stomach churned at the thought of eating anything.

Serving himself a small plate Harry nibbled at a parsnip. Light banter drifted across the table and Harry joined in where required. He noticed, as he moved on to a chunk of turkey, that not much conversation was directed at him.

Perhaps they understood that Harry was not particularly up to being the happy young man he was when Voldemort was around, especially when that man was not there at Harry's most treasured time of year. For the first time since Hogwarts, Harry found himself wishing the day would just hurry up and end.

Numbly, he pulled crackers, stuck paper crowns on his head and told poor, cheesy jokes, a pile of trinkets starting to become a mountain, but his heart was not in the festivities. Dinner passed and the group retired for singing, dancing and drinks in the main room.

Harry participated in the singing of Winter Wonderland with Hermione. His friend's soft, lilting voice was drowned under his warbling one. Just as the song ended the doors opened and Voldemort strode in.

"My apologies for being late I was... Ooof!" The Dark Lord was cut off mid sentence as Harry barrelled into him, a tight embrace almost cutting off his air supply.

Harry inhaled deeply, breathing in his lover's familiar scent. And paused. Sniffing carefully he pulled back, his face twisted in pain and horror.

"Where've you been?" He whispered.

"Taking care of an issue that could not be ignored."

Harry frowned. "What issue?"

Voldemort mirrored his look. "An issue that does not concern you."

"Liar!" Harry hissed.

Voldemort scowled. "You are treading on fine ice, don't test me. I was detained longer than expected, do not question whether I am lying!"

Harry's wand flew into his hand. "You reek of sex!" He screamed.

Voldemort looked at him carefully. "And you automatically assume I am... Entangled, with someone else?"

His hand flew toward Voldemort's face before he registered. The older wizard's head snapped to the side under the force of the blow.

"Is that where you've been?" Harry spat. "Fucking some whore when you were meant to be here. With me! You know what Christmas means to me!"

Greyed skin grew pink, the form of a handprint easily visible, blood red eyes narrowing. "Stop your histrionics and come with me. I will explain why I was called away."

Harry shook his head, he wasn't going to be roped in with lies and veiled truths. Summoning the remaining package from under the tree he flung it at Voldemort. "Here! Give that to your fucking slut! I want nothing more to do with you, you bastard!"

Hermione got up to follow Harry as he fled from the room. Pausing in front of Voldemort she glared darkly. "I hope he was worth it, my Lord," she sneered. "You threw away everything and for what? A quick fuck when Harry wasn't enough?"

Going after her best friend she called him, begging him to stop long enough for her to catch up.

Back in the main room the Dark Lord unwrapped the small gift and gazed at the simple band encrusted with ruby's, the exact same colour as his eyes. Bill stalked past and sighed before turning to face him.

"You could have at least showered before coming here, given Harry one last good Christmas before..." He sighed again. "Even without werewolf senses I'd have been able to smell you across the room. Harry spent hours agonising if he should ask you to bond. Excellent job in utterly destroying a young man's heart, because Harry hasn't suffered enough in his life."

Severus looked at the Dark Lord and shook his head. "You, of all people, should know what devastation this causes. You should have done the kind thing and just told him you were no longer happy with him."

"I haven't done anything!" He bellowed.

"Then you better have a damn good explanation because my bet is Harry's gone home to pack his things."

Slipping the box into his robe pocket Voldemort strode to the floo and chucked some powder in, calling 'Riddle Manor!' and disappearing in a flash of green flames.

Stepping out of the fire into the refurbished, and less gloomy Riddle Manor, Voldemort followed the sounds of crying and felt something in his chest clench painfully.

"Harry, please calm down." That was the Granger girl's voice.

"I don't want to calm down, Hermione! I want to hex his fucking face off!" Harry yelled.

"Harry, please, there might be a perfectly logical..."

Harry cut her off. "What, Hermione? What, exactly, would explain the fact the man I love comes home at the end of Christmas Day stinking of sex?"

Someone sighed. Probably Granger. "I don't know, Harry. But I just cannot believe that he would throw away everything you both have for a romp in the sheets with someone else."

A sob. That was Harry. "I don't want to believe it either, Hermione, but the fact remains I know what I smelt."

"Is leaving really the only answer?"

Another sob. "I can't stay here, Hermione. Too many memories. Everywhere I look he's there. I just... I need to get away. I'm sorry, 'Mione. Please understand."

Voldemort quickly threw up anti-apparition wards so Harry couldn't flee. Stepping into the room he looked carefully at Hermione. "Give us a moment, please."

Pausing, she looked at Harry before nodding. "I'll be in the hall if you need me, Harry."

Sighing, he nodded once and accepted the hug she gave him. Steeling himself, Harry looked up into the red eyes he loved so much. "I see now that explaining is the only way you will be convinced of the fact I have done nothing wrong."

Harry snorted darkly. "Right. Because there is totally more than one explanation why someone can return and smell like they've been having sex for an entire day. So, you'll give me a veiled truth, twist things a little, then off to bed for a fiery round of fucking and go back to how it was before?"

Voldemort frowned. "You make it sound as though before was not something that made you happy." Harry sighed. "Our sex life has never been the problem, but your complete inability to return sentiments or show affection."

"I have not slept with anyone else, Harry," Voldemort murmured.

Harry's wand was back in his hand. "Then why do you reek of sex?!" He roared. "It doesn't concern you. It was a matter that could not be ignored and I didn't see merit in bringing you into it."

Harry's eyes flashed dangerously. "Then we're done here. I'll collect the rest of my things at a later time, along with Navira."

Voldemort ran a hand over his hairless head. "Why can't you just take my word as truth, Harry?"

Harry's wand sparked. "Are you fucking kidding me?! So if I came home smelling like I'd spent the day in someone's bed you wouldn't be enraged?"

"I'd at least take the time to listen to you!" Voldemort hissed.

"I have! You evade every question!" Voldemort sighed again.

"It's something you are best just staying out of. The less you know the better." Harry shook his head.

"That's not good enough. I've done everything in my power to always be honest and truthful with you. I've lied under Veritaserum before for you."

"Harry, please, I need you to trust me."

"Not good enough. I hope he was worth the five years we've been together." Picking up his bag Harry looked up. "I love you, so much. I wanted to bond with you, be your husband, cherish you until we were old and decrepit. I dealt with the late nights, the long periods of time you were away, the meetings that always came before me. Because I loved you and your happiness is all that's mattered to me."

Voldemort swallowed. "Harry, the meetings never came before you. You know I care about you."

"Do I? It's not like you ever expressed it before," Harry snapped.

Voldemort sighed. "I know I don't express it enough, Harry. It's just not the kind of person that I am."

Harry snorted nastily. "I know that now. You know, I told you I loved you once. You just gave me an awkward smile and kissed my head. That was it."

Walking past he made it to the door before Voldemort's voice stopped him. "You told me on October 31st two years ago. It was the twenty year anniversary of the day I murdered your parents. I didn't believe you could possibly mean it so if I ignored it then it didn't count."

Harry looked back. "It was a long time ago. I forgave that before I even came to you."

Voldemort sighed. "I know that now. I kept waiting for you to wake up and run. I told myself if I didn't care about you then you couldn't hurt me."

Harry looked at him and took a deep breath. "Where were you?"

"At a brothel outside of muggle London. I got as far as him coming near me before I bolted and came home. Harry... I'm so sorry. It woke me up. I do care about you, so much."

Harry's heart dropped. "Just care?"

Voldemort took a step toward Harry. "No. Not just care. I do love you, Harry. I can't promise to say it a lot, or even regularly, but I love you."

Harry approached slowly. "Say it once more. Please?"

Voldemort smiled. "I love you."

Harry ran forward and jumped into his arms. Crying softly he hugged his lover tightly.

"And bonding?" Voldemort mentally begged forgiveness for being so weak.

"Yes, I will bond with you. Now, I need a shower, are you joining me?"

"Does Nagini torment Navira?" Harry sniggered.

Voldemort swatted Harry's arse and sent him into the bathroom. "I'm just going to put your things away!"

He turned to find Granger in the doorway, a cold look on her face.

"Thank you, for not saying anything."

Hermione glared. "You can't hide it forever. The longer you leave it the worse your death is going to affect him."

Voldemort hugged himself. "I'm a selfish man, Miss Granger. I want to spend my last year happy with Harry. I've ruined this Christmas, I want the chance to make the next one memorable so my death won't over shadow it."

Hermione nodded, her expression softening. "I know it's not easy, and that you're scared he'll find out, but wouldn't you want to be there for Harry if he was the one dying?"

Voldemort shook his head. "If it were anything other than this then yes, of course. Harry doesn't need to know I'm dying because the Horcrux in him was destroyed when I fell in love with him."

Hearing Harry calling him to hurry up or he'd start with him, Voldemort smiled fondly. "Falling in love with him is worth dying for. You'll be there, to comfort him?"

"Of course, my Lord. Go. I will remove all research and make sure he doesn't find out."

"Thank you... Hermione. I am truly grateful."

Heading to the bathroom he yelled, "you better not have started without me!"

Hermione put Harry's things away and snagged some of his hairs from the pillow. If her research was right then there was a chance at saving the Dark Lord's life. She knew Voldemort was happy to have loved Harry and die for it, than have never felt the warm touch of his body.

It was a cruel turn of events to find out his own Horcrux was killing him, but Hermione had refused to stop looking and hopefully, now, it had paid off. Hearing the giggles from Harry she left when they turned to moans and began formulating a plan.

Whatever came in the months to come, though, she knew that Harry would be okay. She would help put him back together. Harry loved so wholly and completely that it was hard not to fall for him, she knew that experiencing Harry's love was an experience none like any other. And if nothing else, they had spent time with each other and known love's touch on their hearts.

I hope y'all enjoyed this, please leave a review. They're my cookies and they feed me. A sequel is being considered, so stay tuned ;)


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